Sunday, June 26, 2016

双亲节- Kakak

一个人的晚餐让我可以东张西望。

几个孩子玩闹的声音吸引了我。3 个3-8 岁的孩子把餐厅当了游乐场。过山车穿过服务员手上的滚热汤;海盗船拿着餐具打晃;手拉手转着旋转木马。

我目寻他们的父母,正在和电话低头呢,我无言。
这时Kakak一手抱着更小的孩子,一边阻止游乐场的孩子们。明显小主人们的安危和其他人不爽已变成Kakak 的责任了。我相信Kakak可以大声叫孩子回去乖乖坐好,但付她薪水的老板面前,她不能。他们的父母真的活在低头世界了。这样,对吗?
孩子如不小心烫伤,你是否会责怪Kakak和服务员的粗心?
服务员如为了闪避你的孩子而烫伤别的顾客,你是否可游说小孩子小不懂事,撇开责任?

20分钟后,抬头爸爸付钱带着他们离开餐厅。

我想说:Kakak 你辛苦了,祝你双亲节快乐。

厌倦

今天的星期天早上,我彻底厌倦我的工作处境。
太多的无奈,无言,committed ,我真的觉得这样子,不是我享受的过程。很多事情不在自己掌握中,无能为力。
讨厌星期天的早晨就这样被破坏,或是我放入太多个人敏感。

我需要开心的食物!T.T


Saturday, April 9, 2016

老来发娇

真的太久没有这种感觉了!

以前学期的仰慕与爱慕,这感觉突然出现了。

谢谢你让我重回这份感觉与兴奋,JJ 林俊杰 !

感觉好想嫁给你呢! 哈哈哈哈哈哈

我真的疯了

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

报喜不报忧

报喜不报忧快要是我最近性格的一部分。
我喜欢这样子,别问我压力大不大,我已把它们变甜了。
我不善于表达压力,因为我不想视为它们是。
我喜欢笑着笑着让它过去,忘记后,再加油!

我要我自己能为自己找到正能量。

Thursday, November 19, 2015

不小了

工作赚钱,老实说是为了什么。

最近真的为自己的事业有点烦恼,主要原因当然是没有sales咯。还真的很烦。我真的还在摸索这行业·。

赚钱是为了买屋子吗?让生活更好吗?
买了屋子然后呢?结婚孩子吗?
然后接下来的日子都在为孩子思考,烦恼,安排,然后不知不觉就过了三十年。
然后才发现自己真的老了,想做的事情都很有限了。
然后才开始适应退休,学习早已脱节的世界。
然后觉得家慢慢变得安静,觉得自己其实孤单了。
突然觉得别人已经不很需要你,孩子已经开始独立了。
突然觉得朋友都生疏了,因为为了家的付出,放弃了与朋友交流。因为那时的时间永远不够。现在突然变得很空闲了但是自己变了很多,不是很敢去交际。孤僻了一点。

就是因为少沟通,脾气变得很差,因为已经不善于表达自己,沟通技巧差了,所以很容易生气。因为觉得每个人都不明白自己,变得更孤僻了。

日子变得得过且过,一天天的过。

好了,越想越灰了。


自己的灰心情,原来会污染想象与幻想。

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

回味的感动

与朋友们谈了些感情的话题。

朋友诉苦着,从故事中,我看到了以前的我们。

以前的我们非常不善于表达,不懂真确的时候用适当的字眼;然后每每都大吵大闹,不欢而散。我说,千万不要抱着要赢心态来沟通,那根本就是个辩论,不健康。这就是以前的我们,幼稚加无聊。

我都很不甘愿地投降,自以为退一步比较伟大,但殊不知心中已经在开始记仇,无形的。我非常记得我爆发的那一次,其实很恐怖。忍到尽头的发泄,没有退路,脑耳都关闭了,讲什么都无补于事,对方很明显的失望伤心和惊吓。惊吓我的冷漠,冷血。

我说时机也很重要。对方的优点出现在错的时机,那就会是缺点。这些“缺点”都没有在帮补,自然也不能在继续下去。我也很记得,我们分手的时候,是非常的伤心,但当时对我而言,‘解脱’胜过‘伤心’。

过了许久,我们在你哥哥的婚礼相见,你告诉我说你后悔没好好的对待我,都是你的错,你希望我以后会更快乐。你的这句话就这样烙印了,到现在,回想到,我还是很感动。我怨你为何要等到事情到尽头才愿意说这些,但同时我也知道我是更应该好好的享受我的下一个快乐,这样才不会让这感动白费掉。

这件事,我收了很久到差点忘了, 也因为今晚与朋友的谈话中,它从谷底浮现了,原来这感动没有消失,我也想应该把它记载在这儿。


Till next write up.


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

好久不见,我肥来了

我肥来了 ! Abandoned too long.

Few years without lappie, kinda missing the feel of typing. Writting and typing skills dropped as much as how MYR depreciate. Congrats on those who earning foreign currency.

Gotten my new handsome lappie in quite a satisfied price. He love to do yoga where he can bend 180 degree, he is semi touchable , a bit tan solid looking with 14 inch body yet light weight , overall a fit guy. Me like .

Finally got the time to start writing , yes , I will be having a week off , so hopefully I will have the time to drop some words here.

I have too much to share. Imagine few years of thoughts in here ? Wonderful.


For the past years, I think the greatest change of me will be in terms of career. Now I realised I call it as career than job , just because I am taking it more seriously compare to the younger me back then. I was a 'happy go' in terms of working last time , with a very comfy environment , the "stress" back then was as small as dust compare to now. I made a change in 2014 April Fool, what a date to start new job. It was kinda fooled at the beginning , yet it gets heavier as time goes. The total change of environment , I couldn't get use to it , it took me forever to get ready to work , I wasn't looking forward to work. I remember I used to cried not going to school when I was a kid , and the exact scene happened in my 26. I cried a night before Monday , then I realised how much I am not enjoying my job. I hate going to work. The feeling is awful. I hate my job yet I can't regret , just because I made this decision. I can't let anyone know I am weak or how regret I am. I was lost at the moment. I am not achieving what I should. I feel I have no friends at work, I am the eldest at a fresh grad job. What the fuck am I doing ?

Just when things is getting worse, I am grateful that there's great people around me. My younger colleagues are very motivating , they did not treat me differently , in fact they are very helpful. My superior are kind enough to give me alot chances for me to continue , I strongly believe that with my lousy performance , I would have asked to leave the company. Is all about sales and figures.

Honestly speaking, I am not a good sales person , I am slow , bad in mind twisting , never good in bringing out message in good perfect lines. I don't know how to start a conversation with strangers. I  am not having any single good sales person criteria. Don't say about sales performance. Disaster.

I truly appreciate and grateful the chances given by superior. My kind bosses now , my colleagues. I have the chance to explore a lot new things , new experience . Maybe I was a frog under a nutshell , thus all these are amazing to me , at least as of now. I am happier now , although still not loving my nature of job but there are supports around , mentally and physically. 这应该是所谓的:守得云开见月明。 过渡期,挨过就好了。

Will I able to move on and achieve more ? Time will tell.


Till the next write up.