Thursday, November 19, 2015

不小了

工作赚钱,老实说是为了什么。

最近真的为自己的事业有点烦恼,主要原因当然是没有sales咯。还真的很烦。我真的还在摸索这行业·。

赚钱是为了买屋子吗?让生活更好吗?
买了屋子然后呢?结婚孩子吗?
然后接下来的日子都在为孩子思考,烦恼,安排,然后不知不觉就过了三十年。
然后才发现自己真的老了,想做的事情都很有限了。
然后才开始适应退休,学习早已脱节的世界。
然后觉得家慢慢变得安静,觉得自己其实孤单了。
突然觉得别人已经不很需要你,孩子已经开始独立了。
突然觉得朋友都生疏了,因为为了家的付出,放弃了与朋友交流。因为那时的时间永远不够。现在突然变得很空闲了但是自己变了很多,不是很敢去交际。孤僻了一点。

就是因为少沟通,脾气变得很差,因为已经不善于表达自己,沟通技巧差了,所以很容易生气。因为觉得每个人都不明白自己,变得更孤僻了。

日子变得得过且过,一天天的过。

好了,越想越灰了。


自己的灰心情,原来会污染想象与幻想。

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

回味的感动

与朋友们谈了些感情的话题。

朋友诉苦着,从故事中,我看到了以前的我们。

以前的我们非常不善于表达,不懂真确的时候用适当的字眼;然后每每都大吵大闹,不欢而散。我说,千万不要抱着要赢心态来沟通,那根本就是个辩论,不健康。这就是以前的我们,幼稚加无聊。

我都很不甘愿地投降,自以为退一步比较伟大,但殊不知心中已经在开始记仇,无形的。我非常记得我爆发的那一次,其实很恐怖。忍到尽头的发泄,没有退路,脑耳都关闭了,讲什么都无补于事,对方很明显的失望伤心和惊吓。惊吓我的冷漠,冷血。

我说时机也很重要。对方的优点出现在错的时机,那就会是缺点。这些“缺点”都没有在帮补,自然也不能在继续下去。我也很记得,我们分手的时候,是非常的伤心,但当时对我而言,‘解脱’胜过‘伤心’。

过了许久,我们在你哥哥的婚礼相见,你告诉我说你后悔没好好的对待我,都是你的错,你希望我以后会更快乐。你的这句话就这样烙印了,到现在,回想到,我还是很感动。我怨你为何要等到事情到尽头才愿意说这些,但同时我也知道我是更应该好好的享受我的下一个快乐,这样才不会让这感动白费掉。

这件事,我收了很久到差点忘了, 也因为今晚与朋友的谈话中,它从谷底浮现了,原来这感动没有消失,我也想应该把它记载在这儿。


Till next write up.


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

好久不见,我肥来了

我肥来了 ! Abandoned too long.

Few years without lappie, kinda missing the feel of typing. Writting and typing skills dropped as much as how MYR depreciate. Congrats on those who earning foreign currency.

Gotten my new handsome lappie in quite a satisfied price. He love to do yoga where he can bend 180 degree, he is semi touchable , a bit tan solid looking with 14 inch body yet light weight , overall a fit guy. Me like .

Finally got the time to start writing , yes , I will be having a week off , so hopefully I will have the time to drop some words here.

I have too much to share. Imagine few years of thoughts in here ? Wonderful.


For the past years, I think the greatest change of me will be in terms of career. Now I realised I call it as career than job , just because I am taking it more seriously compare to the younger me back then. I was a 'happy go' in terms of working last time , with a very comfy environment , the "stress" back then was as small as dust compare to now. I made a change in 2014 April Fool, what a date to start new job. It was kinda fooled at the beginning , yet it gets heavier as time goes. The total change of environment , I couldn't get use to it , it took me forever to get ready to work , I wasn't looking forward to work. I remember I used to cried not going to school when I was a kid , and the exact scene happened in my 26. I cried a night before Monday , then I realised how much I am not enjoying my job. I hate going to work. The feeling is awful. I hate my job yet I can't regret , just because I made this decision. I can't let anyone know I am weak or how regret I am. I was lost at the moment. I am not achieving what I should. I feel I have no friends at work, I am the eldest at a fresh grad job. What the fuck am I doing ?

Just when things is getting worse, I am grateful that there's great people around me. My younger colleagues are very motivating , they did not treat me differently , in fact they are very helpful. My superior are kind enough to give me alot chances for me to continue , I strongly believe that with my lousy performance , I would have asked to leave the company. Is all about sales and figures.

Honestly speaking, I am not a good sales person , I am slow , bad in mind twisting , never good in bringing out message in good perfect lines. I don't know how to start a conversation with strangers. I  am not having any single good sales person criteria. Don't say about sales performance. Disaster.

I truly appreciate and grateful the chances given by superior. My kind bosses now , my colleagues. I have the chance to explore a lot new things , new experience . Maybe I was a frog under a nutshell , thus all these are amazing to me , at least as of now. I am happier now , although still not loving my nature of job but there are supports around , mentally and physically. 这应该是所谓的:守得云开见月明。 过渡期,挨过就好了。

Will I able to move on and achieve more ? Time will tell.


Till the next write up.




Sunday, December 1, 2013

把自己弄忙吧!

多希望有时候事情可以简单化。

人到了一定的年龄,想法往往没那么直接,没那么任性了。

我正为自己烦恼,我介意别人对我的看法。话说要为自己而活, 自己开心就好。矛盾的是,我在因为别人的意见而为难自己,很多的顾虑。 哎,怎么搞?

如果事情没有复杂的背景,哪该有多好。

我有想要逃避的现象了。(把自己弄忙吧!)

是身边的人变了,还是我自己应该要改变调整 ?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

给以后的你

Hi 以后的你, 不知你是否会像 Lee Hom 一样帅气 ?  哈哈哈~

不知你是谁,但这是写给你. 万一你看不懂, 就Google Translate 咯.

以后的你, 我不会是乖绵羊, 你要接受这点. 我脾气其实一点都不好,请不要被我的外表骗到.

我很stubborn, 要麻不做决定,一旦决定就是了,没有回头的意思. 除非你的说服力顶瓜瓜,但那是到可以考虑的阶段.

我也有ego,凡是要保留底线,不要去挑战,很伤人.

我的坏习惯是不喜欢把什么都拿来讲,我不欢喜的, 不开心的, 通常都会埋在心里,我不善于表达, 有点难搞. 虽然我很flexible, 随和 , 但还是会有主见的. 我不knowledgable ,但我很想改进. 我很乐意你和我分享你的见识 , 我也会. 我很希望你是那个能让我增值的伴侣 , 放手让我去见见外面的世界. 我很独立, 别担心. 请不要阻止我的社交圈子, 因为如果你这样我会选择隐瞒你. 不要担心我会飞走, 因为如果我爱你, 无论如何, 我会回来给你很大的拥抱与关爱.

我会关心你的家人有如我的家人一样. ( 除非他们不喜欢我啦, 那就不一样咯)
我不希望你是无敌大男人, 我希望 我们有商量, 当然在应该的时候, 我会给你足够的面子 , 回家你就知道 ! 哈哈 !
我不会无理取闹, 但是如果我voice out 就代表我真的不爽了.
当我心情不好的时候,不要一直问长问短,抱抱我就好了.

我还是会笨笨的时候,请教导我,不要让我变井底之蛙.
我脑比较直. 讲话有时会比较刺耳,请提醒我.
我吃软不吃硬,如要说服我,请不要和我硬碰,会反效果的.
我在意我的形象,我想你带我出席场合,请给我打扮的意见,我想和你是对称的出席.
请教我任何场合应有的态度,我不想矢礼.
我需要私人空间,请允许. 不要偷看电话,很无礼,问我,我会大方的给.如要偷看,就高超一点,别让我看到.
我更欣喜你能和我家人融洽.
我爱狗, 你别怕它们,它们其实很善良的.

我爱旅行,超级喜欢的.
我爱海边,爱水上活动.
我有些疯狂的东西想实行.
我也很想有一天我们能背包旅行,但如果你不能/不想, 请不要勉强,但不要阻止我去,这是我的心愿. 我很希望我们可以是很好的travel buddy.

如果我们可以顺利结婚,有小孩.
你一定要爱我们的家,有小孩有时会很烦恼,我们的负担会加重很多,无形的压力. 无论如何,有什么应酬,多夜,你都一定要回家. 你可以有女性知己,但千万记得别过线,不要把我放在难看的情况. 孩子毕竟需要完整的家. 我也想有男性知己,希望我们能彼此给予信任.
我们要一起分担家里的事情,可能我会唠叨,别讨厌我好吗? 给我更多的耐心,好吗 ?
女人会比较快老,变不漂亮了,不吸引你,你别肤浅去外面寻找猎物,要不得.

要记得注意健康,健康是主要条件去实行更好的打算.
吵架的时候,别气过头,再怎么生气,一定不能动手. 吵架多凶, 一定要在24 小时里和好,我知道有时我们会为面子过不去, 但是夫妻要那么计较?
互相让步,互相支持,互相学习,互相照顾更要互相尊敬.
我希望我们以后还是可以手牵手,哪怕是老夫老妻,不要害羞啦. 哈哈 !

好啦,好像也不懂要写什么了. 先写到这,有补充的话再写咯! :P

以后的你, 我还在寻找, 真希望我们会有缘遇到.

以后的你, 加油!


Saturday, August 10, 2013

累 ; 泪

How strong do you believe in fate ?

I used to answer yes but things has changed so do my thoughts .

Fate is just a very minor part of a relationship , maintaining is the one that really counts.

Maintaining a relationship is never easy . Human tend to find the balance point of both parties and get frustrated when the ratio move to left or right .Human tend to take things for granted,human nature.

Your mid night call , telling me how can I overlook all the good things we had together , you cannot accept the decision I have made.  I told you , I didn't want to repeat my reason again . My effort to maintain the relationship has ended , the balance point wasn't there thus the border line was formed. I told you I am tired, like seriously. After what I have stated , you told me there's no point for you to call me again. I wiped of what you said , which mean there are no reason for u to call other than only when we are in a relationship ? Reality strike. I can take it. Clean & Clear. After all we did shared most of ours together , we knew each other better than our siblings.

曾給你馴服到, 就像綿羊,何解會反咬你一下, 你知嗎?

一段感情如果累了,泪就会报到.

了结. 希望我们以后能看到对方的幸福.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

2013

This abandoned blog is back after more than half a year.

Hello me in 2013.

2013 , a year of the not so young me and continue to be older moving forward.

Where have I visited ? Hanoi

Vietnam , my 2nd visit this time from the previous visit to Ho Chi Minh. Hanoi this time , my overall summary of the trip  : Fun + Crazy + Relaxing + Disaster = Awesomeness

Fun : The group of people that I went with started from hunting promo air tickets , planning itinerary , logistic arrangement , accommodation , awesome food hunting, taking care each other during the trip. Awesome ppl with wonderful trip.

Crazy : Cycling tour in Hanoi is CRAZIEEEE . I can't describe the traffic situation there in words , basically the traffic there are free and easy, go any direction you want to. Honk is a must on the road. We put our life in huge risk where your tiny bicycle is surrounded by motorbikes  in all directions ( like uncountable). We are safe , TQ !

Relaxing: Cruise trip to Halong Bay . Peaceful . You totally do nothing on cruise besides eat , social , drink , enjoying the good view around and the cooling breeze , and yeah , this is life for that moment :)  Not forget to mention the kayaking and the peak stop for the whole Halong Bay view , is worth climbing that hundreds steps for that view. That beauty .

Disaster : Well , the wonderful trip ended with a little disaster when we were at the night market. I was targeted by picked pocket , 3 long cut on my bag , I am really thankful that I did not lost anything , my bag organiser saved me from further lost. I have already paid full alert on my bag yet they still able to make it , how skillful . People , please be extra extra X 100000000 careful as I don't how much is needed but yeaaa..

Fat Burning

Always wanted to burn more fats but forever not achieving due to lazinesssss. ( Kill me)

Alright , in order to keep my motivation on I have been a good customer with Groupon . I purchased one month trial at Celebrity Gym ( July) , classes make me keep moving on ... bahhhhh... I CAN DO IT !
I bought another promo at Jazzercise for 10 session ( August) , alright now all well planned , no excuses for me being lazy anymore. For the month of Sept , 2 marathon run . Okay okay... 3 months planning in a row.. Hopefully all good.

Career

People around me been leaving / planning on doing something else. I am still here swinging left and right, what should I do ?

Readings

Suddenly I have books to read without buying them, and the contrast as below.
Book from girlfriend : < Calm life is not lonely>
Book from guyfriend: < Property purchase guidance>
Now you know the focus difference between girl & guy.

I have made a decision. A sad decision but should be a right one and its more firm when I saw my parents reaction , their eyes told me they agree with me.

So long , continue looking forward and is back to Me Time :)

Cheers !