Saturday, May 21, 2011

Eat.Pray.Love

I finished this movie completely . Oh like finally , haha.

Its about a lady who lost her love twice and she then got herself a year break from reality to Italy , India and Bali.

Italy : a place to have awesome food .
India : a place to have mind soul calm ( due to the religion)
Bali : a place where she meet 'Ketut' the future predictor who then her friend and the person who lighted up her mind .

Overall , this story is about the lady who afraid of losing her balances that she has gained for the past 1 year and reluctant to fall in love with this Brazilian. Ketut then said to her : Sometimes, losing balance for love is part of balance in life. This quote truly strike my heart like the red dot of the archery.

No deny , I am still finding the balance of myself from this relationship although its been months. Dare not to say I give out / tolerate a lot , but fair enough I think. I been allocate my time/day nicely , weekDay for work , weekNight for random / family , friday night its my only drink night , Saturday full time to him, Sunday myself and family. Seems balance and fair ?

The above statement seems little unfair to me yet I am doing it with silence. Silence here does not mean I am trying to show my talent in tolerance , how am I a good gf / daughter / friend that I can allocate all the time nicely. Kill me !

I am losing myself . I am losing the appetite that I used to have for food that I am craving , desertsss ! Its been so long since I last watching tv and bitting chocolate at the same time. Tasting the melting choco and then brings out the bitter sweet in mouth that will made me happy. Having desert with someone you love is the most happiest thing to me yet this always got rejected or postpone till forever.

Its all about different interest . You and me have total different interests , things I love to do , you hate. I love sweet food , I love party , I love outdoor activities , I love someone have plans for me, I love to drink. I hate you postpone the places u promised till forever , I hate you giving me options where they are mostly in reject bin, I hate you scolded me like no body business over the phone in front of your friends, that your friends have to tell me personally at a corner, asked me to be tolerate when they meet me, and no worries , because they did not see me doing it. In fact , I appreciate that you have really good and kind friends who trying to help us out.

And did you know I tried to revenge on this ? I yelled at u in the car one day , not because I am that mad but also I wanna return what you gave me. Sadly to say , it did not turn out as happy/ relief as I thought , it was sucks. I felt deeply heartache after the scolding and there you don't deserve that scold at all. Oh how stupid is this huh ?

Stop comparing me with anyone else. I am sensitive. I am just an ordinary person , don't ask to be perfect , human demands are never satisfied. I am not your perfect girl , you may find someone else to replace me and if that happens one day , I will go for Eat.Pray.Love. to find my lost soul. HAHA !

I think , I need a Kit Kat.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Fucking hates you sometimes

For the past few hours , I tried to convince myself to overlook this.
But sorry to say is getting worse when I did that.

Forgo my freedom to party to gain your trustworthy is worth it .
BUT if it doesn't , I think I am a fucking big ass jerk.
U made me feel like I m a CLOWN !

If you don't trust me at all , then I think I should forever stay in lies n creating stories then.
Since YOU think I m good in that.

Sometimes I think I m fooling myself by u .
What on earth I should putting myself in such a pathetic , I feel sorry to myself sometimes.
Don't say I m not grateful , I m way more than that.
Yet, whats the appreciation I get ?
Fucking make no sense.

I m towards nearly no demand , what have I ask for ?
Promise without action are bullshits, so keep it to urself.
Tell me right on my face that you don't trust me than by asking million times of same questions OR bringing out this issue to your friends in front of me . Sounds like a joke huh ? where you n me know its totally not.

I almost wanna yell at u , telling you the words u gave to me last time, " Don't fucking waste my time! " but somehow , I kept it , coz I know its the worst to hear .
I don't deserve to be treated like that.
What have I done ?
I think I treated you good enough, in fact , more than enough.

I always have this thoughts , 先苦后甜。
We might not as good compare to others now , but we might be better or more loving later.
I am starting to doubt myself now , yes , I might not able make it whereby my confident is being slashed into half.

This is a post of me releasing all the shits that stopping me to sleep.
Alright , enough of whining and I need to sleep.
Goodnight.