我真的快要不能自己了。。。。
真的。。。。
我就很想像个疯婆的大哭。。。大哭。。。
我是真的崩溃了。。。碎了。。。
放手，我做得到吗？ 可以吗？ 愿意吗？舍得吗？
很想把自己给灌醉，bacardi apple, 我要把你给吞了！ 哈哈
这情伤未免也太久了吧。。。两个星期了！都还没痊愈！救命啊！
见到他后，我的心就是酸的，酸到还带咸。。（因为眼泪是咸的）
好啦，枕头也湿了，我问你够了没有？！！
WTF ! 你可以争气点吗？
有要把自己搞得这样懦弱吗？ 坚强点不行哦？
你好幼稚！ 不成熟！
他都不爱你了！！！ 你难道还不明这道理吗？
我还可以爱他吗？
Friday, June 27, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
NS buddies
date: 22/06/2008
time: 2.30pm - 3.45pm
venue: sunway Mc D
objective: NS gathering ,members of 7
because i got my 1st paper tomorrow exam, so i decided went the gathering a short while,
as the group was having steamboat lunch 1 pm at sunway but i didnt join them.
i choose to meet them up after their lunch, n they said meet at McD then.
it has been quite a months didnt meet them up, however we still can chat like non stop...
is a good sign....
one of them is going labuan Uni coming sunday,n she will be there like 3 yrs...
omg~my another flyer fren... miss her
2 of them already step into working life while 3 of us still in Uni life...
i can really sense the diff between the uni student n a working ppl...
hmm.....conclusion, enjoy my uni life now... ^^
*the girls of the day..Bravo girls..P3 & P4
*the gents of the day
they are zero relation with NS, they just the bf of my 2 girls
Thursday, June 19, 2008
姐弟
MONDAY the 1st paper is on the fast way...
no words can discribe the stress...
has been a good girl stayed tight at library this week...
consult tutors of my questions...
do the things i can do...
ofcoz some feelings sometimes corrupt me awhile...oh well...life still need to move on (chee hau 2008) hahahaha....
is very obvious that i been a very down girl these few days..especially in home...
n my lovely brother actually sensed that...
although he did not ask , but he kinda know what happen to me..
guess he spotted me curi-curi wipe off tears sometimes when with him in computer room..
one day~
while i m in the down mood (tearing mood)...
as usual, i online n do my usual stuff.. then he sudden played the micheal jackson song-your not alone..(omg~what la he so oldies?? )
then he sang : " coz u r not alone~" so loudly....
at first i didnt notice coz he used to sings all the time, but then he repeat the sentence again...n then comes with a soft voice n said ' dun be so emo la, is ok wan..'
i know he shy to comfort me n taught i didnt heard him..
but actually i did ..i did heard him...i did.... (touched*)
seriously, i didnt know my brother was so caring b4...
now, i feel he grown up d..he no longer the boy but a young guy...
an understanding caring brother who cares for the sister...
n he is now sitting beside me with his computer while i m blogging now..hehe...
aiya...he wont know i blog this with the topic mentioning how good is him.. :p
i also shy to let him know i m touched of what he did...
biasa la.....we both always didnt show any cares... bla bla bla... :p
no words can discribe the stress...
has been a good girl stayed tight at library this week...
consult tutors of my questions...
do the things i can do...
ofcoz some feelings sometimes corrupt me awhile...oh well...life still need to move on (chee hau 2008) hahahaha....
is very obvious that i been a very down girl these few days..especially in home...
n my lovely brother actually sensed that...
although he did not ask , but he kinda know what happen to me..
guess he spotted me curi-curi wipe off tears sometimes when with him in computer room..
one day~
while i m in the down mood (tearing mood)...
as usual, i online n do my usual stuff.. then he sudden played the micheal jackson song-your not alone..(omg~what la he so oldies?? )
then he sang : " coz u r not alone~" so loudly....
at first i didnt notice coz he used to sings all the time, but then he repeat the sentence again...n then comes with a soft voice n said ' dun be so emo la, is ok wan..'
i know he shy to comfort me n taught i didnt heard him..
but actually i did ..i did heard him...i did.... (touched*)
seriously, i didnt know my brother was so caring b4...
now, i feel he grown up d..he no longer the boy but a young guy...
an understanding caring brother who cares for the sister...
n he is now sitting beside me with his computer while i m blogging now..hehe...
aiya...he wont know i blog this with the topic mentioning how good is him.. :p
i also shy to let him know i m touched of what he did...
biasa la.....we both always didnt show any cares... bla bla bla... :p
here the stupido us...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
W.H.Y
WHY? WHY? WHY?
ok.... allow me say something....
I JUST CANT STOP MISSING HIM....
IS CANT STOP...
CANT STOP....
unable to stop....
please stop.......please.... T.T (begging myself)
*give me a bitch slap !*
ok.... allow me say something....
I JUST CANT STOP MISSING HIM....
IS CANT STOP...
CANT STOP....
unable to stop....
please stop.......please.... T.T (begging myself)
*give me a bitch slap !*
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
一切就在无奈
以为，自己好多了
但，好像又不是。
以为，自己看开了，
但，好像不是。
图书馆里，认真的复习FnI，
没有分心，没有多想。。很好啊！
但，终感觉自己身心疲累了，
好累， 好累。。。
抬头望望，眼前就一对情人，
互望的眼神，甜蜜的微笑，深情地拥抱，
我，原来也拥有过。。只是已过去了。。都过去了。。。
回来！回来！！！ 读书啊！
继续！！！
待在图书馆有5小时吧！
妈妈sms 说要到了，顿时感觉自己很幸福，有妈妈载。
赶紧收拾下楼等妈妈。
路途，我望向窗外，
太阳很猛，很热，
车的side mirror里的我，脸色不很好，颓废！
红绿灯，车停。。
旁边的车，他们俩有说有笑，突然他就偷亲她，然后微笑。。。
这一幕，然而又泛起了回忆。。。
别过脸，不敢看了。。很怕自己又陷入emo。。。
突然，很想念他。。无奈。。
自己在想，当我们见面时会尴尬吗？
还是，就无所谓的谈谈笑笑？
他会避开我吗? 还是我会避开他吗？
不要，不要。。。顺其自然吧。。。
在想，我们是因为性格不和？还是他已没有感情了？
以往‘拿得起，放得下’的我已不再了。。。
好力克有那么好喝吗？
我也很想知道。。。。
但，好像又不是。
以为，自己看开了，
但，好像不是。
图书馆里，认真的复习FnI，
没有分心，没有多想。。很好啊！
但，终感觉自己身心疲累了，
好累， 好累。。。
抬头望望，眼前就一对情人，
互望的眼神，甜蜜的微笑，深情地拥抱，
我，原来也拥有过。。只是已过去了。。都过去了。。。
回来！回来！！！ 读书啊！
继续！！！
待在图书馆有5小时吧！
妈妈sms 说要到了，顿时感觉自己很幸福，有妈妈载。
赶紧收拾下楼等妈妈。
路途，我望向窗外，
太阳很猛，很热，
车的side mirror里的我，脸色不很好，颓废！
红绿灯，车停。。
旁边的车，他们俩有说有笑，突然他就偷亲她，然后微笑。。。
这一幕，然而又泛起了回忆。。。
别过脸，不敢看了。。很怕自己又陷入emo。。。
突然，很想念他。。无奈。。
自己在想，当我们见面时会尴尬吗？
还是，就无所谓的谈谈笑笑？
他会避开我吗? 还是我会避开他吗？
不要，不要。。。顺其自然吧。。。
在想，我们是因为性格不和？还是他已没有感情了？
以往‘拿得起，放得下’的我已不再了。。。
好力克有那么好喝吗？
我也很想知道。。。。
Monday, June 16, 2008
to all my lovely frens n myself~
你们可能相爱过，你们也可能喜欢着彼此, 但是，为了什么原因你们没能在一起？也许他为了朋友之间的义气，不能追你。也许为了顾及家人的意见 ，你们没有在一起。
也许为了出国深造，他没有要你等他。也许你们相遇太早，还不懂得珍惜对方。也许你们相遇太晚，你们身边已经有了另一个人。也许你回头太迟，对方已不再等待。也许你们彼此在捉摸对方的心，而迟迟无法跨出界线。
不过即使你们没在一起，你们还是保持了朋友的关系。
但是你们心底清楚，对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。
即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。
但是你们心底清楚，对这个人，你比朋友还多了一份关心。
即使不能跟他名正言顺的牵着手逛街，你们还是可以做无所不谈的朋友。他有喜欢的人，你口头上会帮他追，心里却不是很清楚你是不是真的希望他追到。
他遇到困难时，你会尽你所能的帮他，不会计较谁又欠了谁。
男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。
男女朋友吃醋了，你会安抚他们说你和他只是朋友，但你心中会有那么一丝的不确定。
每个人这辈子，心中都有过这幺一个特别的朋友，很矛盾的行为。
一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，
但久了，突然发现这样最好。你宁愿这样关心他， 总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？
一开始你不甘心只做朋友的，
但久了，突然发现这样最好。你宁愿这样关心他， 总好过你们在一起而有天会分手。你宁愿做他的朋友，彼此不会吃醋，才可以真的无所不谈。特别是这样，你还是知道，他永远会关心你的。做不成男女朋友，当他那个特别的朋友，有什么不好呢？你心中的这个特别的朋友...? 是谁呢？
很多的感情，都因为一厢情愿，最后连朋友都当不成了，常常觉得惋惜，
可惜一些本来很好的友情，最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，
如果你没有反应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。
可惜一些本来很好的友情，最后却因为对方的一句喜欢你，
如果你没有反应，这一段友情似乎也难以维持下去，这也难怪有些人会因此不肯踏出这一步。
因为这就像是一场赌注，表白了之后不是成了男女朋友，要不就连朋友都当不成了。
有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好。
也是可惜，也是遗憾！
但还有没有可能是另一种情况，你可能永远都不甘心只是朋友. . . . .
（完）
有些事不是你能预料的，或许对方不在意，你们还可以是朋友，但却已经不如从前的好。
也是可惜，也是遗憾！
但还有没有可能是另一种情况，你可能永远都不甘心只是朋友. . . . .
（完）
*面向太阳，黑暗背影就在我后面！^^
Sunday, June 15, 2008
question myself
1) y m i so sad?
coz the real love feelings is still there, n i actually love him so much.
2) y m i so weak n cant be stronger?
coz this time i m seriously very hurt, internally bleeding.
3) exam is very soon, how can i still sad n emo now?
i tried to focus n focus, but the memory of us just appear in my mind randomly.
4) i m not alone, i still got lovely frens support me, so whats so big deal of ppl reject u?
i know is not big deal, but i just cant stop thinking of him, i just miss him so much. T.T
5) he said " u didnt lose me, we r still friends n i m not against u"
is kinda sad once he said we r frens now but somehow it still a good thing that we didnt end up being strangers. He is still the one i love.
6) got very sensitive with songs recently?
wow....this extremely correct, simple song can made me cried sadly.
example: mariah carey : cant live, bye-bye...... rihana: hate that i love u.....chris brown: with u.... boyzone: baby can i hold u tonight..... enrique: hero
7) being a cry baby for few days is so shame on me, y i still continue?
~deep breath~, i seriously dunno y.....
8) how long u still wanna cry n sad??? is a waste of time
i wanna stop this as soon as possible, but is just very very hard.. i feel so helpless to myself
something i notice about myself recently:
- my weight fall like 2 kg, from 48kg to 46 kg (haha..is this a good sign? )
- i unable to finish up even a bowl of noodles nor rice for everymeal ( waste food...sorry)
- unable to finish up even a glass of drink
- zero reaction bout any jokes, even a comedi
- sit infront of BeE cage, looking at her n keep wipe off my tears ( BeE: my owner crazy d :s)
conclusion: TSU ZIAN U STUPID DUMB!!!!!! BE STRONG !!!!! OR U WAN PPL SLAP U UP???
coz the real love feelings is still there, n i actually love him so much.
2) y m i so weak n cant be stronger?
coz this time i m seriously very hurt, internally bleeding.
3) exam is very soon, how can i still sad n emo now?
i tried to focus n focus, but the memory of us just appear in my mind randomly.
4) i m not alone, i still got lovely frens support me, so whats so big deal of ppl reject u?
i know is not big deal, but i just cant stop thinking of him, i just miss him so much. T.T
5) he said " u didnt lose me, we r still friends n i m not against u"
is kinda sad once he said we r frens now but somehow it still a good thing that we didnt end up being strangers. He is still the one i love.
6) got very sensitive with songs recently?
wow....this extremely correct, simple song can made me cried sadly.
example: mariah carey : cant live, bye-bye...... rihana: hate that i love u.....chris brown: with u.... boyzone: baby can i hold u tonight..... enrique: hero
7) being a cry baby for few days is so shame on me, y i still continue?
~deep breath~, i seriously dunno y.....
8) how long u still wanna cry n sad??? is a waste of time
i wanna stop this as soon as possible, but is just very very hard.. i feel so helpless to myself
something i notice about myself recently:
- my weight fall like 2 kg, from 48kg to 46 kg (haha..is this a good sign? )
- i unable to finish up even a bowl of noodles nor rice for everymeal ( waste food...sorry)
- unable to finish up even a glass of drink
- zero reaction bout any jokes, even a comedi
- sit infront of BeE cage, looking at her n keep wipe off my tears ( BeE: my owner crazy d :s)
conclusion: TSU ZIAN U STUPID DUMB!!!!!! BE STRONG !!!!! OR U WAN PPL SLAP U UP???
Saturday, June 14, 2008
i been a cry baby~
cry for nothing is just so insane...n i undstand that so clearly....
however, i just cant stop the tears falling...
everynight b4 sleep i tell myself, ' ok u stupid girl, u only allow to cry for tonight, no more tomorrow !'
then the next morning, open eyes with mind so blank, the sadness & tears visit again... wth...
i m gonna share what my lovely frens advice me:
fork n spoon: " dear, it just need time, u need time, just cry out loud "
CY: " let me give u teddy hug n u cry out loud k?"
JY: " girl, i know is very hard, but u can overcome it, i got most confident on u "
siew lin: " girl, i know u can overcome that, i know u r not the weak one, huggs "
jessie: " i know u feel like a falling angel, but dun fall into hell ! go drop on ground n be human, the reality "
chee hau: " hello~, life still need to move on ! " although cry is meaningless, but u still need to cry out then only u able sleep well"
seriously, i m so touched* , my dear frens are supporting me when i m most down.
touched action by them:
JY: " hey i bought sovenier for u from shanghai, so cheer up"
CY: she visit me n gave me a big tight hug, sit beside me n be my listener.
fork n spoon: " i will give u a hug n kiss once i meet u ! "
chee hau + siew ling+bryan+fork n spoon: " we r coming visit u, so r u home? "
jessie: she wrote a blog n show me, n i just tears off coz is so touched
i m seriously gratefull that i m not facing the sadness alone.
i ask the group who having lunch at klang ba kut teh no need purposely visit me, then fork n spoon tell me that chee hau say later u suicide then how? i was like =.=" touch wood la*
then i call the chee hau n tell him no need purposely come, then he said : " make sure u ok ya...i mean perfect ok" .....ok...i m trying hard... thx.
* all of us is very surprise of chee hau's action
he even called me when they were having lunch at klang n blaming how come he didnt know what happen to me, n say i not being fren of not telling him, here the conversation:
C Hau: " hello, u ok anot?
me: " ya...trying
C.H: so whats the story?
me: is too long
C.H : u dun worry ! i got time n dun worry my phone bill ! so tell !
me: ok la, i just got .........
C.H : whos that fellow ! tell me.. tell me
me : u chill la
C.H : how come like this wan?
me : ( crying)
CH : eh, u ok anot? dun cry
me: speechless
CH : hello~ life still need to move on la ! so dun treat it like a big deal, there is more in this world to face!
me: i know
CH : serious la 'life is like that'....u got us here.... u see we got susan, siew ling, bryan, triston....
me : n chee hau as well.... haha
CH : this is the great answer..haha..so make sure u ok ya... dun think bout the sad d..
me : i got ur point....thx....
CH : i will try find u next time k? coz i will be busy
me : thx.....
CH : k la, make sure u ok ! bye
* chee hau who used to be a shy guy, sudden come out this....appluse~ ( from me, susan n lin)
went lunch with CY at taipan , n so ngam meet julian n chin wei ( secondary fren)
have some so called girls n guys disussion, n i realized more..is good that i learn my mistake.
ok.....i m going to tell myself agian now.... stop crying stop sad.. ( as i really wished i able do that)
so, deep breath n go forward !
however, i just cant stop the tears falling...
everynight b4 sleep i tell myself, ' ok u stupid girl, u only allow to cry for tonight, no more tomorrow !'
then the next morning, open eyes with mind so blank, the sadness & tears visit again... wth...
i m gonna share what my lovely frens advice me:
fork n spoon: " dear, it just need time, u need time, just cry out loud "
CY: " let me give u teddy hug n u cry out loud k?"
JY: " girl, i know is very hard, but u can overcome it, i got most confident on u "
siew lin: " girl, i know u can overcome that, i know u r not the weak one, huggs "
jessie: " i know u feel like a falling angel, but dun fall into hell ! go drop on ground n be human, the reality "
chee hau: " hello~, life still need to move on ! " although cry is meaningless, but u still need to cry out then only u able sleep well"
seriously, i m so touched* , my dear frens are supporting me when i m most down.
touched action by them:
JY: " hey i bought sovenier for u from shanghai, so cheer up"
CY: she visit me n gave me a big tight hug, sit beside me n be my listener.
fork n spoon: " i will give u a hug n kiss once i meet u ! "
chee hau + siew ling+bryan+fork n spoon: " we r coming visit u, so r u home? "
jessie: she wrote a blog n show me, n i just tears off coz is so touched
i m seriously gratefull that i m not facing the sadness alone.
i ask the group who having lunch at klang ba kut teh no need purposely visit me, then fork n spoon tell me that chee hau say later u suicide then how? i was like =.=" touch wood la*
then i call the chee hau n tell him no need purposely come, then he said : " make sure u ok ya...i mean perfect ok" .....ok...i m trying hard... thx.
* all of us is very surprise of chee hau's action
he even called me when they were having lunch at klang n blaming how come he didnt know what happen to me, n say i not being fren of not telling him, here the conversation:
C Hau: " hello, u ok anot?
me: " ya...trying
C.H: so whats the story?
me: is too long
C.H : u dun worry ! i got time n dun worry my phone bill ! so tell !
me: ok la, i just got .........
C.H : whos that fellow ! tell me.. tell me
me : u chill la
C.H : how come like this wan?
me : ( crying)
CH : eh, u ok anot? dun cry
me: speechless
CH : hello~ life still need to move on la ! so dun treat it like a big deal, there is more in this world to face!
me: i know
CH : serious la 'life is like that'....u got us here.... u see we got susan, siew ling, bryan, triston....
me : n chee hau as well.... haha
CH : this is the great answer..haha..so make sure u ok ya... dun think bout the sad d..
me : i got ur point....thx....
CH : i will try find u next time k? coz i will be busy
me : thx.....
CH : k la, make sure u ok ! bye
* chee hau who used to be a shy guy, sudden come out this....appluse~ ( from me, susan n lin)
went lunch with CY at taipan , n so ngam meet julian n chin wei ( secondary fren)
have some so called girls n guys disussion, n i realized more..is good that i learn my mistake.
ok.....i m going to tell myself agian now.... stop crying stop sad.. ( as i really wished i able do that)
so, deep breath n go forward !
Friday, June 13, 2008
Got a very sad night last night... an unexpected answer...
serious cant imagine he said that....
fork n spoon give me a call n ask what happen, n i just answer with tears off.. then i decided to tell her other time than in the call coz i m totally speechless...
after offline, it is already near 4am.. i was totally down n lying on the bed with mind blank..i keep think back the incident n trying to relate them that cause the ending.
not sure what time i sleep but atleast i able close my eyes n rest.
i open my eyes right after a terrible dream n is 8.30am.
then i saw a sms from fork n spoon with the message to ask me calm down n be positive. she also ask me dun stay home, come out join them library n tell her wheneva i need help.. thx girl.. hugs
the sad feelings comes again, n i gave CY a call.
once she answered n ask watzup? i was speechless again... n she got my point without me telling.. ( mo-qi 100%)
then i tell her the story, n she analyse for me... she also told me to be calm n dun think too much... about an hour talktime then hang off.
-brought BeE for inject, what a hyper dog that non stop moving in car.. aiks..
however, she is a good girl that not afraid when injection...appluse~
after visit to vet, went home n continue my studies.
able to done with few chapter then the sadness visit me again.. oh no~
serious unable to discribe that feelings... then call CY again..
CY:"moshi-moshi ! any help?"
me: " nothing, just talk to me~"
CY: " calm down girl.."
me: tears down again~
* she consult me again
1) i was not tolerating, n did not stand on ppl's view ( stubborn)
2) i should not have the ' must get till my expectation'
3) cant simply blame by saying not caring but he actually do cares me ( cannot judge due to a particular case n being mad of it)
4) must avoid childish taughts n reaction
5) be gratefull
6) think wider
7) dun continue wasting time by thinking ur ownself as the prob is base on both side ( focus on studies)
8) since he calls a break, then allow him the break time ,but there is no prediction as it is a positive or negative, so no matter how, i must be prepare. ( accpet the truth)
me: "i did realise my mistake, but just cant und this lead to a serious sad ending."
CY: " mayb he also sudden mood up gua "
me: " i seriously dunno... his sentence dunno is meaning break up or pause.. (tears off again)
Cy: " seems like u really love n care horlicks"
me: " agree... , but now talk also no use d..it ends like that now.. T.T
Cy: " mayb just give u n him a little time to calm down, mayb things will turn better?
me: " how if it doesn't ? he said that izit bcoz he pissed n feeling towards me totally zero?"
cy: " i no idea girl...coz i m not him.. but u need to really calm down.. wanna come my house? i borrow u my teddy bear n cry...
me: " haha....dun wan....ur teddy got virus... :P hehe.. ( so sweet of her, touched*)
me: " k la, sorry for kacau again..thanks so much girl.."
CY: " just call me wheneva u need me, remember calm down...."
me: " thx"
i m glad that i have frens who willing to share my sadness.. thx so much.. n i love u all.
guess i need to really ~deep breath~
JY, faster come back.... i need u as well...
serious cant imagine he said that....
fork n spoon give me a call n ask what happen, n i just answer with tears off.. then i decided to tell her other time than in the call coz i m totally speechless...
after offline, it is already near 4am.. i was totally down n lying on the bed with mind blank..i keep think back the incident n trying to relate them that cause the ending.
not sure what time i sleep but atleast i able close my eyes n rest.
i open my eyes right after a terrible dream n is 8.30am.
then i saw a sms from fork n spoon with the message to ask me calm down n be positive. she also ask me dun stay home, come out join them library n tell her wheneva i need help.. thx girl.. hugs
the sad feelings comes again, n i gave CY a call.
once she answered n ask watzup? i was speechless again... n she got my point without me telling.. ( mo-qi 100%)
then i tell her the story, n she analyse for me... she also told me to be calm n dun think too much... about an hour talktime then hang off.
-brought BeE for inject, what a hyper dog that non stop moving in car.. aiks..
however, she is a good girl that not afraid when injection...appluse~
after visit to vet, went home n continue my studies.
able to done with few chapter then the sadness visit me again.. oh no~
serious unable to discribe that feelings... then call CY again..
CY:"moshi-moshi ! any help?"
me: " nothing, just talk to me~"
CY: " calm down girl.."
me: tears down again~
* she consult me again
1) i was not tolerating, n did not stand on ppl's view ( stubborn)
2) i should not have the ' must get till my expectation'
3) cant simply blame by saying not caring but he actually do cares me ( cannot judge due to a particular case n being mad of it)
4) must avoid childish taughts n reaction
5) be gratefull
6) think wider
7) dun continue wasting time by thinking ur ownself as the prob is base on both side ( focus on studies)
8) since he calls a break, then allow him the break time ,but there is no prediction as it is a positive or negative, so no matter how, i must be prepare. ( accpet the truth)
me: "i did realise my mistake, but just cant und this lead to a serious sad ending."
CY: " mayb he also sudden mood up gua "
me: " i seriously dunno... his sentence dunno is meaning break up or pause.. (tears off again)
Cy: " seems like u really love n care horlicks"
me: " agree... , but now talk also no use d..it ends like that now.. T.T
Cy: " mayb just give u n him a little time to calm down, mayb things will turn better?
me: " how if it doesn't ? he said that izit bcoz he pissed n feeling towards me totally zero?"
cy: " i no idea girl...coz i m not him.. but u need to really calm down.. wanna come my house? i borrow u my teddy bear n cry...
me: " haha....dun wan....ur teddy got virus... :P hehe.. ( so sweet of her, touched*)
me: " k la, sorry for kacau again..thanks so much girl.."
CY: " just call me wheneva u need me, remember calm down...."
me: " thx"
i m glad that i have frens who willing to share my sadness.. thx so much.. n i love u all.
guess i need to really ~deep breath~
JY, faster come back.... i need u as well...
ok....this is insane that i post again just right after my previous post....
but i think is a necessity currently....i serious serious unable to handle my emotional...i just unable to stop emo....
i can be very happy n hyper but the next moment i got so down....even tears can just fall out without any reason..... what m i now???? how? why? what happen????
last night even worst, while listening my favorite song ' hero', i just tears fall with zero reason.... i wonder what happen to me...
I was not a depending person but somehow it seems abit changes that i recently realize.
I want to be an indipendent girl, i dun wanna be like a kitten who meow to the owner everytime.
I want to handle my problem, include emotional by myself, but is like fail to do so recently.
oh well, then when i m seeking for ppl to comfort me..i really meant it.
i know i cant get a hug nor a lean on shoulder but at least some words that show concern...atleast show that u care of me...atleast...
i m not demand a 100% love, but is a 50% caring so hard to earn it?
okay.....i mayb kiddie....but is how i feel... gosh....what is in my mind...shit.....
i know as in longrun i might face the same problem n i think i need to use to the situation for now by not being dependent. BUT, i just unable to do that currently, or mayb i m being mood swing recently thats y i got this shitty feelings. shit....!
( or mayb i need a teddy hug....haha.... taught of CY , she just looks like a big teddy ^^)
anyhow, i think i need to be POSITIVE ^^
everything need to be positive...haha.... whee ^^
see.....what kind of reaction is this...? =.="
hmm....guess i m releasing on this blog.... haiz...dunno is a good way or not???
~please comment me n lead me to the right way~
but i think is a necessity currently....i serious serious unable to handle my emotional...i just unable to stop emo....
i can be very happy n hyper but the next moment i got so down....even tears can just fall out without any reason..... what m i now???? how? why? what happen????
last night even worst, while listening my favorite song ' hero', i just tears fall with zero reason.... i wonder what happen to me...
I was not a depending person but somehow it seems abit changes that i recently realize.
I want to be an indipendent girl, i dun wanna be like a kitten who meow to the owner everytime.
I want to handle my problem, include emotional by myself, but is like fail to do so recently.
oh well, then when i m seeking for ppl to comfort me..i really meant it.
i know i cant get a hug nor a lean on shoulder but at least some words that show concern...atleast show that u care of me...atleast...
i m not demand a 100% love, but is a 50% caring so hard to earn it?
okay.....i mayb kiddie....but is how i feel... gosh....what is in my mind...shit.....
i know as in longrun i might face the same problem n i think i need to use to the situation for now by not being dependent. BUT, i just unable to do that currently, or mayb i m being mood swing recently thats y i got this shitty feelings. shit....!
( or mayb i need a teddy hug....haha.... taught of CY , she just looks like a big teddy ^^)
anyhow, i think i need to be POSITIVE ^^
everything need to be positive...haha.... whee ^^
see.....what kind of reaction is this...? =.="
hmm....guess i m releasing on this blog.... haiz...dunno is a good way or not???
~please comment me n lead me to the right way~
Thursday, June 12, 2008
emotional~
Seriously....got so emo recently....mood swing...
what r the main reason?
oh well..... IS FINALS....
when open n reading the microeconomics book, i feel the sudden stress and panic... this feelings is so so so hard to discribe... thus i m seeking for someone to cheer me up..
-whk, the 1st person i taught of.... but his reply was " go play with ur dog, i dunno how to cheer u up' ...... is so =.=" & T.T
what a reply........ ouch*
- then finally fork n spoon reply my sms, n guess what? she was emo too...coz her memory card got black out, n her partly nice photo gone.... However, she got a solution for that d...so she cheer back... ^^
sms with fork n spoon awhile n i turn to read magazine as something to release my emo, n guess is partly effective in short run but not long run.... haiz...... ~deep breath~
today,
BIS assignment result, hmm.....got 5.5 out of 10.
it seems like ok ok, but when compare with others, they got 7 & above, n i serious feel the tense again... what did i went wrong??? T.T
after consult with sir, i knew my mistake ( becoz i just touch on point n vomit it but didnt put in own opinion or go deeper) To conclude, own opinion is very the important in BIS.
seriously, i was wanted to fight for the 0.5 marks but it seems like there is no where for the 0.5, so i called it off.
emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo ELMO :P
okay...i know i m crazy..... driving me crazy....shut up n drive....
what r the main reason?
oh well..... IS FINALS....
when open n reading the microeconomics book, i feel the sudden stress and panic... this feelings is so so so hard to discribe... thus i m seeking for someone to cheer me up..
-whk, the 1st person i taught of.... but his reply was " go play with ur dog, i dunno how to cheer u up' ...... is so =.=" & T.T
what a reply........ ouch*
- then finally fork n spoon reply my sms, n guess what? she was emo too...coz her memory card got black out, n her partly nice photo gone.... However, she got a solution for that d...so she cheer back... ^^
sms with fork n spoon awhile n i turn to read magazine as something to release my emo, n guess is partly effective in short run but not long run.... haiz...... ~deep breath~
today,
BIS assignment result, hmm.....got 5.5 out of 10.
it seems like ok ok, but when compare with others, they got 7 & above, n i serious feel the tense again... what did i went wrong??? T.T
after consult with sir, i knew my mistake ( becoz i just touch on point n vomit it but didnt put in own opinion or go deeper) To conclude, own opinion is very the important in BIS.
seriously, i was wanted to fight for the 0.5 marks but it seems like there is no where for the 0.5, so i called it off.
emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo ELMO :P
okay...i know i m crazy..... driving me crazy....shut up n drive....
Sunday, June 8, 2008
SumMer Sp@lsH
date: 8/06/2008
venue: sunway lagoon
theme: roxy summer splash
time: 12noon - 3pm
OH WELL.....this visit is a very very last minute plan with chen huey...we only decided to go after yamcha.. imagine the last minute.....
once she called me at 1.30am that she is going then only i pack my stuff such as towel, beach wear.....blabla....
my main objective to there is to be the 1st 1000 visitors n get goodie bags.... so then we reach there bout 10.30am... N GUESS WHAT????? the ppl are more ealier than us wei.....appluse~
waited n stucked there like 1 n half hours n finally the entrance open.....
OMG...this is the most horrible scene...since the crowd is too big...everyone is not in thier line n keep pushing in n squeeze in...to me this is more terrible than concert...the management is serious bad...
* there are parents brought along their kids...seriously the parents should know that is not suitable bring kids along due to the situation... but luckily there are good malays guys who let the kids n parents move in 1st as the parents is actually jump que..but when u see the kids with a almost crying face... then ah well....nvm....
me n chen huey serious got stuck n cant even move forward, thanks to the malay guys infront us..hold our hands n pull us forward...hmmm...what a great guy we meet.. however, my bag was stuck in the crowd n i cant move, i was miss hold chen huey hand n i m lost.. i heard chen huey called me but i just cant see her...At last, i finally see the bright with the help of that malay guy again...he even tend to leave his gang of friends who already enter n just to make sure me n chen huey are safe together... oh...what a great guy.... seriously THANKs so much....
once we are safely enter, then the next is fight for locker...omg.....what a war.... n the stupiest thing is there are so so so many spoilt locker that the key is not function!!!!! damn !!
...haha....1st time wear bikini...kinda shy.....haha....
after the change, me n chen huey rush to the water...as we were like had war previously... once step into the water...we meet our secondary classmate-- Christian n his gf...then we chill in the water n chit chat awhile... then enjoy the cooling water flow..
*honestly, the day serious not hot at all...but with the grey sky....so is not that summer splash also..haha... then we went the mushroom water fall- have a masage back..hehe...
then walk along the fake beach n see so many hot girls passby us...but none hot guy....haiz.... :(
then the summer hotties n hunk start...omg....those guys contestant real looks is so so diff with the picture poster.... =.="
since the event is not so nice, so we decided to leave earlier... N when we reach the exit...
OMKY!!!!!!!!!! the crowd was still there is is even HUGE!!!!! there are polices and securities block the ppl just like those protest... then i see a child was angkat by the crowd to the mom who already able enter the gate, the kid was crying badly, i think he is just like 3 yr old kid... then i ask in my heart " what so special of the event that parents bring so small kids there, n is like so dangerous..." Parents think twice...seriously...
chen huey: " xuan, i dun think i be going this event next year...is so a nightmare...! "
n TODAY newspaper, 50 motorcycle was burnt in sunway pyramid car park n 100+ lockers in lagoon was damaged badly, losses badly happen due to the roxy event... luckily we leave earlier, n luckily my bro n his friends didnt manage to enter the event, luckily we didnt meet those bad scene....
my dad: " u all better dun go this type of event next time !" (after read that news) :s
*didnt able to take any photo....dun ask y..coz my camera is not water proof..
# let me share whats in the goodie bag: a pair of ROXY flip flop that usual price RM 89 which Fanny bought, a tiny sample ROXY perfume, a NYC magazine....a flower highlighter.
~chen huey n mie~
venue: sunway lagoon
theme: roxy summer splash
time: 12noon - 3pm
OH WELL.....this visit is a very very last minute plan with chen huey...we only decided to go after yamcha.. imagine the last minute.....
once she called me at 1.30am that she is going then only i pack my stuff such as towel, beach wear.....blabla....
my main objective to there is to be the 1st 1000 visitors n get goodie bags.... so then we reach there bout 10.30am... N GUESS WHAT????? the ppl are more ealier than us wei.....appluse~
waited n stucked there like 1 n half hours n finally the entrance open.....
OMG...this is the most horrible scene...since the crowd is too big...everyone is not in thier line n keep pushing in n squeeze in...to me this is more terrible than concert...the management is serious bad...
* there are parents brought along their kids...seriously the parents should know that is not suitable bring kids along due to the situation... but luckily there are good malays guys who let the kids n parents move in 1st as the parents is actually jump que..but when u see the kids with a almost crying face... then ah well....nvm....
me n chen huey serious got stuck n cant even move forward, thanks to the malay guys infront us..hold our hands n pull us forward...hmmm...what a great guy we meet.. however, my bag was stuck in the crowd n i cant move, i was miss hold chen huey hand n i m lost.. i heard chen huey called me but i just cant see her...At last, i finally see the bright with the help of that malay guy again...he even tend to leave his gang of friends who already enter n just to make sure me n chen huey are safe together... oh...what a great guy.... seriously THANKs so much....
once we are safely enter, then the next is fight for locker...omg.....what a war.... n the stupiest thing is there are so so so many spoilt locker that the key is not function!!!!! damn !!
...haha....1st time wear bikini...kinda shy.....haha....
after the change, me n chen huey rush to the water...as we were like had war previously... once step into the water...we meet our secondary classmate-- Christian n his gf...then we chill in the water n chit chat awhile... then enjoy the cooling water flow..
*honestly, the day serious not hot at all...but with the grey sky....so is not that summer splash also..haha... then we went the mushroom water fall- have a masage back..hehe...
then walk along the fake beach n see so many hot girls passby us...but none hot guy....haiz.... :(
then the summer hotties n hunk start...omg....those guys contestant real looks is so so diff with the picture poster.... =.="
since the event is not so nice, so we decided to leave earlier... N when we reach the exit...
OMKY!!!!!!!!!! the crowd was still there is is even HUGE!!!!! there are polices and securities block the ppl just like those protest... then i see a child was angkat by the crowd to the mom who already able enter the gate, the kid was crying badly, i think he is just like 3 yr old kid... then i ask in my heart " what so special of the event that parents bring so small kids there, n is like so dangerous..." Parents think twice...seriously...
chen huey: " xuan, i dun think i be going this event next year...is so a nightmare...! "
n TODAY newspaper, 50 motorcycle was burnt in sunway pyramid car park n 100+ lockers in lagoon was damaged badly, losses badly happen due to the roxy event... luckily we leave earlier, n luckily my bro n his friends didnt manage to enter the event, luckily we didnt meet those bad scene....
my dad: " u all better dun go this type of event next time !" (after read that news) :s
*didnt able to take any photo....dun ask y..coz my camera is not water proof..
# let me share whats in the goodie bag: a pair of ROXY flip flop that usual price RM 89 which Fanny bought, a tiny sample ROXY perfume, a NYC magazine....a flower highlighter.
~chen huey n mie~
Friday, June 6, 2008
According to CY (2008), ' i feel like u r the mother of BeE '
oh well......what can i say??? I partly agree.. or can say 75% agree..haha..big part agree ya..haha
this BeE can say bring trouble n joy... oh well...or mayb i m just too new to have a beagle as pet..so everything seems like hard to controll...
However, she is currently still cute... so , SMILE ^^
* cut BeE nail just now, n the process is like westling with her.... haiz.....
anyway, i finally able to cut her nails with the help of her beloved owner --my bro...
see la.... female dog just love male so much.... nature !
******************************************************
5/06/2008
venue: KL
time: 7.30pm
Went SYTYCD II live, was que up there like 30 minutes, n got super stucked when going to enter. Hk able to move up 1st n i was pushed behind away..coz too crowded. No one wanna give me ways man...mayb i m not pretty :( sad.....
So what? i will go fight n move forward for my enterance instead got pushed by ppl, those guys there is just so not gentleman... oh well... i know i m not attractive.... well...nvm..at last i got up by myself. ^^
THEN, waited in there like 1 hour....omg......their management seems like not that well.
We was suppose to stand infront, then when those supporters ( kinda lala ) came n move us back.. =.="
then Jsiang got mad n said " i m allergic to calms" omg.......LOL
we end up at the right back man !
oh...there is a swinging chair there ,n is so nice to sit on...love it so much... ^^
No deny i m a shortie, n is impossible i can see right behind there !!!
but, hk come out idea let me stand on a so called ' chair'.. hehe...specially for shortie..^^
while waiting, those gays have some camwhore shoot...LOL... imagine that.....
9.30pm, finally start ! n the top 20 finalist is on thier performance. ..jealous they can dance that well... then we got 6 commercial break in between that show, n the temporarily host got some LAME activities, by giving the free goodies. I hardly discribe the lameness here.... but is seriously SWT !
some interesting scene:
* since energizer battery is one of the sponsors, there got one energizer patung as a advertisement. At 1st, that fellow shocked us by stepping HARD on floor while passby,then bunch them talking how to balas that fellow, eg. take off his pants....bla bla....Then we meet that fellow again at the entrance and hk give that fellow a HUG , n guess whats hk payback? A pack of AA batteries.......surprising ...LOL
* while waiting traffic lights, jsiang car right infront us. Suddenly, his car is moving ( shaking). n we saw he is shaking himself on his driving seat....omg....what he doing during the traffic red lights? Then ask him what happen just now when meet him in car park, n he answered " i just wanna shake out my previous exam paper memory " What an answer..... =.="
* marcus was so cute. i was looking him playing golf with his 'gong gong' from the balcony. He just to shy to say hi to me but end up telling me golf thing in the next second. haha....
oh well....that all for today post.
oh well......what can i say??? I partly agree.. or can say 75% agree..haha..big part agree ya..haha
this BeE can say bring trouble n joy... oh well...or mayb i m just too new to have a beagle as pet..so everything seems like hard to controll...
However, she is currently still cute... so , SMILE ^^
* cut BeE nail just now, n the process is like westling with her.... haiz.....
anyway, i finally able to cut her nails with the help of her beloved owner --my bro...
see la.... female dog just love male so much.... nature !
******************************************************
5/06/2008
venue: KL
time: 7.30pm
Went SYTYCD II live, was que up there like 30 minutes, n got super stucked when going to enter. Hk able to move up 1st n i was pushed behind away..coz too crowded. No one wanna give me ways man...mayb i m not pretty :( sad.....
So what? i will go fight n move forward for my enterance instead got pushed by ppl, those guys there is just so not gentleman... oh well... i know i m not attractive.... well...nvm..at last i got up by myself. ^^
THEN, waited in there like 1 hour....omg......their management seems like not that well.
We was suppose to stand infront, then when those supporters ( kinda lala ) came n move us back.. =.="
then Jsiang got mad n said " i m allergic to calms" omg.......LOL
we end up at the right back man !
oh...there is a swinging chair there ,n is so nice to sit on...love it so much... ^^
No deny i m a shortie, n is impossible i can see right behind there !!!
but, hk come out idea let me stand on a so called ' chair'.. hehe...specially for shortie..^^
while waiting, those gays have some camwhore shoot...LOL... imagine that.....
9.30pm, finally start ! n the top 20 finalist is on thier performance. ..jealous they can dance that well... then we got 6 commercial break in between that show, n the temporarily host got some LAME activities, by giving the free goodies. I hardly discribe the lameness here.... but is seriously SWT !
some interesting scene:
* since energizer battery is one of the sponsors, there got one energizer patung as a advertisement. At 1st, that fellow shocked us by stepping HARD on floor while passby,then bunch them talking how to balas that fellow, eg. take off his pants....bla bla....Then we meet that fellow again at the entrance and hk give that fellow a HUG , n guess whats hk payback? A pack of AA batteries.......surprising ...LOL
* while waiting traffic lights, jsiang car right infront us. Suddenly, his car is moving ( shaking). n we saw he is shaking himself on his driving seat....omg....what he doing during the traffic red lights? Then ask him what happen just now when meet him in car park, n he answered " i just wanna shake out my previous exam paper memory " What an answer..... =.="
* marcus was so cute. i was looking him playing golf with his 'gong gong' from the balcony. He just to shy to say hi to me but end up telling me golf thing in the next second. haha....
oh well....that all for today post.
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